Busy Bee

I haven't written in awhile because I've been so damn busy. Busy AT MY JOB!!

First of all, I am relieved that it only took three months. I was pretty terrified it would be months and months and months before I got something. Every evening when Kiddo would go to bed, I would go straight into Job Search mode and apply to a billion things until about 1 AM. It was exhausting. The rejection emails started rolling in and I tried to focus on the big picture, but hey, rejection is rejection and you're not human if it doesn't get to you a little bit. I started to think that I should just get a waitressing night job, or just march into a Target and apply to be a cashier. Should I start from the very bottom and slowly work my way up? I harassed most everyone I  know for leads and advice. And then, a miracle. One of those friends referred me to a contact of hers. And guess where I met that friend That's right. Someone in my Mom's Group. She passed my resume around and next thing I know, I'm interviewing for a gig with an actual business and walk out with an offer letter. Again I must proclaim that I love Meetup.com forever.

So not only is it a job, one that pays me money to go there for awhile and come home, but it's an actual good, fancy job. The kind of job that has a fancy coffee machine that I don't know how to use. The kind of job where I have to get a Blackberry or the like and sometimes carry around a second laptop computer in a laptop computer briefcase thing. I always thought people who walked around with extra technology strapped to their bodies were so cool looking. Had such purpose. And now I'm one of them. Which again drives home the point that once you are on the greener side of the grass, you're mind isn't full of important thoughts like you imagined it would, but in fact, thinking OMG I think I'm gonna get Chipotle for lunch today I'm so excited!!! So aside from the fact that I don't know what I'm doing, this job is awesome.

I am exhausted, however. The gig is an hour away, but luckily my boss is beyond cool and flexible, so he lets me come in and leave early. I get up at 5:45 AM and am on the road by 6:15 AM. I spend the whole day trying to figure out what I'm doing, learning a ton of new terminology and computer programs and playing with databases and making a million and one phone calls. I'm getting the hang of it, but it reminds me a bit of Peace Corps language training. You spend so much brainpower trying to understand words that you do not know that your energy is sucked out of your very being and you pass out at 5 PM as if you just ran a marathon and then raised a barn. So it's like that. It's like the physical aftermath of raising a barn.

I leave at 4 PM, am home by 5:30 PM (they said traffic had gotten worse in the two years I was away, THEY WERE RIGHT. Where the hell did all these people come from?) in time to relieve Grandpa of Kiddo-watching. We eat, take a bath, play for a bit, then bedtime for babies. And bedtime for me, too. On Tuesday I went to bed at 7 PM and didn't crack an eye until 5 AM the next day. So my nightly schedule has changed greatly, leaving little time for writing. But I'm determined to keep it up, so I'll find time. So, not unlike Warren G and Nate Dogg (RIP), I just need to give myself time to regulate.

Tomorrow is Day 5 in what is hopefully a long career. The people are pretty cool, the job is challenging and the potential for growth and serious income is there. Though it can be stressful, it's a completely different type of stress. This isn't the desperate, grasping, sleepless, terrifying, how-will-I-provide-for-my-daughter type of stress. This is the Time To Shine type of stress. A good problem to have, one can say.

Someone once told me that karma was real, and that it was a bitch. He meant it as a threat, but it had the opposite effect on me at the time. I remember a calm came over me. A warm, comforting reassurance. After so much darkness, I knew I was due a little light. "You're right," I said. "You're absolutely right."

Life is good.