I love my job. The people are great, my boss is awesome, the pay is pretty good and most importantly, I'm trusted to do what I need to do to get my job done. It's this strange sensation I've never felt before. A foreign concept that I've only read about in books. Or heard the rumors from someone who had a cousin or a friend of a friend who actually liked their job, who was... respected. Did such a thing exist, I wondered. Could there be a place where people actually trust you to get the job done that they hired you to do in the first place? A place that wants to treat their employees like human beings? HA HA HA, oh silly BlowJoy! You've always been a dreamer! But it seems I've become a believer. The feeling is not natural to me, but I'm getting used to it. Damned used to it.
Here's an old post from a few years ago about my last super crappy job.
(September 2012)
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It's hard to describe how much my job sucks. We're not allowed to have a coffee pot. We've been told that they are both a fire hazard and because some people might find the smell of fresh brewed coffee "offensive."
I'm not allowed to have voicemail. That's right. Voicemail. I'm not sure why, and believe me, I've asked. I think they consider it too high tech. Or that the people who call might be confused and not know how to leave a message and become upset at the poor customer service. So we all have to answer each others' phones if one of us is away from our desk. Which is annoying but would be fine, if we didn't work for a large international humanitarian foundation, thus when someone's phone rings, the person on the other line usually is speaking a language that you do not. I'm not sure how professional that is to have an extremely frustrating, half-English, half-Whatever You Can Muster conversation, but hey, why try to use logic here?
A shining star of idiocy is our Suggestion Box at work. HR sent out an email stating that $50 gift cards would be awarded to any employee who's suggestion was implemented that benefit employees, streamline processes or save the organization money. For awhile, we thought that this place might be changing for the better! We were wrong.
Below I reproduce the actual correspondence between my Awesome Coworker (AC) and HR. This is the stuff of which comedians' dreams are made. It would be hilarious if it wasn't so very sad that these are things that actually happened in Real Life. And that I still work here.
Pre-Tax Transit Benefit Program
Dear HR,
Our Company should implement a pre-tax transit benefits program for employees utilizing public transportation. The RTA transit benefits program covers PACE buses, Metra and CTA trains and buses, so it can be used by employees in both the city and in the suburbs.
Impact:
- There is no charge for our Organization to participate.
- Administration is minimal; after pre-tax deductions are selected by employees, updates from Human Resources are required in a fax once a month between the 5th and 15th of the month.
- Pre-tax deductions save our Organization employer tax money.
- Employees themselves choose and update their selections online; our Organization is not responsible for end-use administration.
- Transit benefits compliment the our Organization mission and increasing environmental emphasis, such as in our recycling policy and Prius giveaway at our annual convention.
- Transit benefits are similar to services already offered to employees, such as the flex spending plan and Weight Watchers pre-tax deduction plan.
- Many other non-profit employers- around 2,000 employers and 83,000 employees- in the Chicago metropolitan area use transit benefits, including Our Competitor Organization.
- Encouraging employees to use public transportation decreases wear and tear on parking facilities and frees up parking for visitors.
- There are no minimum or maximum number of participants in the program.
- Transit benefits are available for all employees who wish to use transit, including those who drive to work but use public transit on weekends; anyone can participate at any level.
- Transit benefits will make our Organization an even better place to work: an EPA study in 2006 showed a majority (68%) of commuters reported a positive attitudinal shift upon awareness of employers offering commuter benefits to employees.
Sincerely,
AC
AC
Response:
Dear AC,
Thank you for your suggestion regarding the CTA/RTA Transit Benefit Fare Program.
Because this is a program that can benefit employees by reducing their taxes, our Company thoroughly researched this program not too long ago. Unfortunately, due to the very low level of interest and participation amongst our Company’s employees it was determined that it wasn’t worth the time and administrative costs associated with implementing such a program.
Sincerely,
HR
*Awesome Coworker then went on to get a petition from 23 employees saying they would like to participate in a pre-tax transportation program. When ignored, she emailed the Manager of HR.
Dear Head of HR,
I was wondering if you would have time to meet with me in the next week or two regarding a potential pre-tax transit benefit program offered by CTA/RTA. I have briefly discussed the program with Two HR Members but I have been doing some additional research and I'd like to go over it with you quickly. The program costs our Company nothing, has minimal administration and is similar in nature to programs such as the flex spending plan or the Weight Watchers pre-tax deduction plan. It also has no fixed start or end date or minimum or maximum number of participants, so it does not require an "open season" like some other benefits.
I expect that this would take no more than 15 minutes of your time. I appreciate the opportunity to discuss this important benefit with you and my schedule is fairly open in the next two weeks.
Thank you,
AC
Response:
Dear Head of HR,
I was wondering if you would have time to meet with me in the next week or two regarding a potential pre-tax transit benefit program offered by CTA/RTA. I have briefly discussed the program with Two HR Members but I have been doing some additional research and I'd like to go over it with you quickly. The program costs our Company nothing, has minimal administration and is similar in nature to programs such as the flex spending plan or the Weight Watchers pre-tax deduction plan. It also has no fixed start or end date or minimum or maximum number of participants, so it does not require an "open season" like some other benefits.
I expect that this would take no more than 15 minutes of your time. I appreciate the opportunity to discuss this important benefit with you and my schedule is fairly open in the next two weeks.
Thank you,
AC
Response:
Dear AC,
I really do not have time to meet regarding this topic. I have been advised that you have already had correspondence with our Company’s Comp. and Benefits Coordinator who is responsible for benefit administration on this topic. As part of that correspondence, you have been advised of our procedure for reviewing benefits including our time table. Therefore, there is nothing more that can be accomplished by a meeting with me on this topic at this time.
-Head of HR
-Head of HR
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Employees Cannot Be Trusted/Might Be Murderers:
Dear HR,
I suggest that HR hang a small sign near the plastic utensils in the lunchroom reminding people that bringing their own silverware can save thousands of pieces of litter in the landfill annually.
Encouraging people to bring their own spoons and forks saves the association the cost of buying the plastic utensils, the cost of trash removal and benefits the environment.
Studies show that suggestions are most effective when phrased as if they address the majority, i.e., "Many people find that using their own silverware saves money and the environment. Thanks for doing your part!"
I suggest that HR hang a small sign near the plastic utensils in the lunchroom reminding people that bringing their own silverware can save thousands of pieces of litter in the landfill annually.
Encouraging people to bring their own spoons and forks saves the association the cost of buying the plastic utensils, the cost of trash removal and benefits the environment.
Studies show that suggestions are most effective when phrased as if they address the majority, i.e., "Many people find that using their own silverware saves money and the environment. Thanks for doing your part!"
Response:
Dear AC.,
Thank you for your suggestion, received regarding hanging a sign in the lunchroom reminding employees to bring in their own utensils so as to cut down on use of plastic utensils.
Your suggestion was reviewed by upper management and, although the association is all for reducing waste and encouraging employees to re-use and recycle, the decision was made not to post a sign. Reason being, we don’t want to give the impression that we are encouraging employees to bring knives in to the workplace.
Thank you again for your suggestion.
-HR
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We're Too Lazy To Think Of A Real Reason:
Dear AC,
Thank you for your suggestion regarding having battery recycle bins here at our Company.
Dear AC,
Thank you for your suggestion regarding having battery recycle bins here at our Company.
Although we think that recycling of any kind is an excellent idea, the suggestion does not fall under the criteria to become an employee suggestion box winner. That is because it does not benefit employees, streamline processes or save the association money.
None the less, HR Guy did look into the possibility of having a battery recycling program here at our Company. However, the final decision was made by senior management not to implement such a program.
-HR
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When All Of The Clocks In The Building Are Off By 15-60 Minutes, It Does Not Meet Criteria:
Hi AC.,
Thank you for your suggestion regarding the synchronization of all building and computer clocks.
Your idea was submitted to building services and they are going to handle this as a work order.
However, although this is a good suggestion and was worth passing along, it does not qualify to be a suggestion box winner because it does not fall under the following criteria:
- directly benefit employees
- streamline processes
- save the association money
Thank you again for submitting your idea!
-HR
*Shortly after, all of the clocks were synchronized to the same, correct time. At this point, I think AC just got off on fucking with HR.
Hi HR,
I see that my suggestion of setting the clocks to tell the same time has (mostly) been implemented. Hopefully the HR department will continue to utilize suggestions and make our Company a more efficient place to work.
Best,
AC
I see that my suggestion of setting the clocks to tell the same time has (mostly) been implemented. Hopefully the HR department will continue to utilize suggestions and make our Company a more efficient place to work.
Best,
AC
Response:
Hi AC,
Hi AC,
It's funny that you should mention this because I had forwarded your suggestion to building services and hadn't heard back yet one way or the other. My gut feeling is that as much as we try to keep all the clocks in the building synchronized it will never be perfect. Each clock may run slightly slower or slightly faster than the others which means that over time they will get out of sync again.
However, I will let you know once I hear back from Building Services.
Thanks!
HR
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Because We Are Sick Of Rinsing Out Our Cups And Bowls In The Disgusting, Clogged Bathroom Sinks In The Disgusting, Stinky Bathroom:
Dear AC,
Thank you for your suggestion regarding installing a utility sink with a garbage disposal in the cafeteria.
As handy and convenient as that would be to be able to wash our lunch dishes at work rather than bringing home dirty containers, we have chosen not to install a garbage disposal unit in the lunch room for safety reasons. There is the potential risk for injured fingers or hands if someone decides to reach their hand in to retrieve a jammed piece of silverware, for example.
Thank you again for your suggestion,
HR
*Several months pass. Staff receives an email congratulating Another Coworker on her being the $50 Suggestion Box Gift Card Winner, as they have accepted her suggestion of installing a utility sink in the cafeteria. AC cannot resist sending HR an email, attaching her previous rejection email suggesting the same thing months prior:
Hi HR,
I just heard that a utility sink for the lunch room has been approved per a suggestion from the suggestion box. Can you provide more details?
Thanks,
AC
Resonse:
Hi AC,
I will be posting information regarding the new sinks in the next few days. I saw your previous suggestion and I believe the issue had to do with installing a garbage disposal. This new sink does not have a garbage disposal.
Thanks,
HR
HR
AC Fights To The Death:
Hi again, HR,
Hi again, HR,
Actually, it was specifically regarding the hygiene of people washing their dishes in the bathroom and was mostly focused on the utility sink; the garbage disposal was mentioned but the sink was the primary idea.
AC
Response:
Dear AC,
Because a portion of your suggestion two years ago has now been approved, we would like to give you partial credit by offering you three $10 gift cards of your choice. These are the cards leftover from Christmas and you can choose from Borders, Dunkin Donuts and/or McDonalds. Please let me know what you would like.
Thanks,
HR (2009-2010)
