Monday, September 17, 2012

The Wendy's Chronicals: Part 2

After trying and failing to find someone (someone, anyone) to go to brunch with me, I resigned to my fate of walking across the street to Wendy's to get some food. Unicornz, moaning from her hangover deathbed,  mumbled something about bringing her back two double stacks and a Frostie ("Remember, I want two. Not one. Two.")

Now Wendy's hasn't been so exciting ever since the changes they made recently. So I walked in with low expectations.  Perhaps fast and friendly service, blah blah blah, nothing unusual of note.

My God, was I wrong.

There were only a couple of people in line in front of me. Before I even placed my order, another Wendy's employee asked me what I would order so she could go ahead and prepare it ahead of time. Fantastic! I told her that I would like a number six with a baked potato instead of fries, a lemonade, and two double stacks and a Frostie. She started putting together my to-go order and I smiled, getting used to such excellent service.

And then I heard it.

Hiss.  Hissssss

I turned around to discern the source of the noise. The dining area was scattered with eaters, a couple hipsters, a few old people, your usual 1 PM Saturday Wendy's diners. But there she sat. The Hisser. She looked a lot like Miracle Max's wife Valerie from the Princess Bride. 


I turned back around and faced the counter. But the hissing continued. 

Hisss! Hisssssssss!!

I turned back around. There was no mistake, the woman was staring directly at me. She looked me up and down, mouth agape, twitching slightly. Then her eyes fixed on my black and white striped skirt. She froze.

"I don't like your skirt!" she shrieked. 

I stood there, frozen. She began to twitch uncontrollably. 

"I don't like it!  I don't... I..." she trailed off, jerking and mumbling. 

I turned back around again. It dawned on me that maybe the actual back and white stripe design of my skirt was giving this poor, mentally unwell woman seizures or something.  Like how that woman in England used to have seizures whenever she heard Entertainment Tonight host Mary Hart's voice. However there was not much I could do but wait for my food and book it out of there.

Just as I turned around, another customer entered and took his place in line next to me. He kinda looked like that old guy from The Simpsons:


"Hello, beautiful!" he yelled to the employees.

"Hello, sir, what may I get you," said the woman behind the counter, who looked kinda like this:


"You can get me your name, phone number and what time you get off of work!" said the man.  Oh boy, I thought. Here we go.

The employee behind the counter did not bat an eye. The man continued.

"I want a medium hot tea," he said. "With five sugars."

"Tea with sugar," the employee said and started filling a cup up with hot water. 

"I'm a recovering drug addict, you see," the man explained.

"Will that be all, sir?" the employee monotoned. 

 I could hardly contain my excitement. This is awesome, I thought. 

"Yes, just a hot tea," he said. "Did I tell you I'm a recovering drug addict? And we need a lot of sugar."

At this point another woman handed me my to-go bag and said "Thankyouhaveaniceday." I turned on my heels and walked out, the twitching hissing woman staring at my skirt as I left and the recovering drug addict clutching his tea and multiple sugar packets. 

I skipped across the street and burst through my apartment door. From deep under her covers I heard Unicornz yelp, "Woah, you're back so fast."

"I know! It was amazing! The service was fast and courteous... but Wendy's is BACK!"

And thank goodness.

(2009)

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